How far along? 26 weeks and 5 days. At our ultrasound on Monday, he was estimated to weigh 2 lbs 3 oz and the doctor is happy with how things are going.  

Total weight gain/loss:  Very close to 15 lbs so far.

Maternity clothes: All stretch pants, all the time!  

Stretch marks? No.


Sleep: Yes.

Favorite things this week: I would have to say that my favorite thing has been a good break from work.  I have been to the office twice (last Monday all day and this Monday for half), but things are in good shape and it has been so wonderful to have lots of free time.  

Miss Anything?  Sleeping on my tummy!  

Movement: Yes!  A LOT!  Grateful for every little (and big) kick.  This kid is a crazy kicker, and I'm loving that.  

Food cravings: Cinnamon rolls, but haven't found any yet.  I refuse to eat a dry-ish one and nothing I've seen looks sufficiently sweet, sticky and covered with icing to do the trick.  Best I don't find one anyway -- 1 hour glucose test just happened and now I'm worried about passing!  Good news though: I don't mind the orange test drink.  It's not good at all, but really just tasted like extra sweet Tang.  

Gender: Boy.

Labor Signs: None, but the doctor gave us a card with a list of preterm labor warning signs a month ago, and I'm definitely looking.  

Symptoms: My digestion has slowed down in the last month or so.  Enough said.  Other than that, I do have bruising from my daily Lovenox shots… I don't get a new bruise from every shot, but when I do it lasts 2 weeks!  The Dr. said that I should be icing BEFORE the shot to constrict the blood vessels.  Oops.  I was icing after, and only if the shot hurt.  I also still have round ligament pain occasionally, but no where near as often as I did a month or so ago.  

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody?  Both. Christmas was hard, because I keep thinking that William should have been here with us celebrating the holidays, almost walking, probably more interested in wrapping paper than presents.  I miss him.

Love, S.

Christmas Traditions, William's ornaments

Christmas ornaments are my favorite.  Every year I find one Sandifer house ornament of the year.  Every time we go someplace new for vacation we get a fun ornament as our souvenir: a Buckingham palace guard from London, a river boat from New Orleans, etc.  And for every big milestone I get a Wallace silver sleigh bell with the year engraved.  Someone gave me one in 1977 so I picked up the tradition for Terce and I, getting one in 2008 engraved with our anniversary date, getting one to celebrate the year we bought our house, and so on.  We have ornaments from both of our childhood trees in our collection and very special ornaments my grandma sent from the Met for our bridal shower.  The tree is so special to me.  It is like a little family history.

One of my absolute favorites, from T's childhood.

Last year when William passed away, I knew I would want and need him to be part of the Christmas tree too.  He has a 2013 silver sleigh bell, and my mom gave us a silver angel that says William, 11-2-13.  I love these.  So much.

To continue the tradition, this year William's new ornaments are the cutest Jonathan Adler animals -- an elephant and a giraffe.  I figured that if he was about 1 year old, he would like zoo animals.  I couldn't resist a third one when I was shopping, and got Dempsey a terrier ornament that matches them.

Dempsey willingly sitting with his tree. 

Thank goodness we have a fake one or he might have tried to eat it.

William, we love you and miss you.  All.the.time.   

Love, S.

24 weeks 3 days

How far along? 24 weeks and 3 days today -- He is probably about 1.5 pounds now!

Total weight gain/loss:  Around 12 lb this morning. 

Maternity clothes: Yes, but I did manage to wear normal jeans w/ a Bella Band to dinner the other night!  Felt fancy to wear something other than stretch pants. 

Stretch marks? No.

Sleep: Yes.

Favorite things this week: This week, my favorite thing is just that the week went by.  I've been increasingly on edge as we get near William's birth point (24 weeks and 4 days I think) and I had an especially rough day on Saturday since I have such vivid memories of the Saturday that William was born.  I feel like that day is burned into my brain.  We finished Saturday off with a great dinner at Sociale, and I'm grateful to have a husband who truly gets me on days like that. 

Miss Anything?  Wine.  And cocktails.  Substituting with lots of herbal tea, hot water with lemon, and the occasional almond milk eggnog.   

Movement: Yes, sometimes a bunch of little ones in a row so I wonder if he has hiccups?  And if he does, is that OK? 
 
Food cravings: Not really.  

Gender: Boy.

Labor Signs:  No.

Symptoms: One or two headaches - either stress or not drinking enough water.  

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody?  Both. Looking forward to Christmas, a few vacation days, time with family and friends. And wondering if I will be a little bit more relaxed about this baby in a few weeks?? Maybe that's a choice I have to make. 

Love, S.

Parabens, Phthalates and Formaldehyde, Oh My

Getting pregnant, I always wonder what is and is not safe for baby... last time I couldn't figure it out, so I just followed my OB's basic recommendations.  She's pretty mellow about these things.  No alcohol, no lunch meat, no raw fish, no big fish, no unpasteurized cheese, no OTC meds besides Tylenol, etc. 

This time, I can't help but second guess my habits.  Is a mani/pedi dangerous for the baby?  What about my skin care and make-up regime?  What about the pesticides all over our food?  Do I need to eat organic?  Are dry cleaning chemicals dangerous?  Should I avoid all hair color (even supposedly ammonia-free)? 

Since there is an overwhelming amount of info out there, I'm trying to just relax about all of this.  Lots of people have very healthy babies without taking extreme measures. 

Even if I don't overanalyze every.single.product I eat, use or come in contact with, I was happy to learn that my fave skincare from Tatcha is  paraben and phthalate-free.  Love this SF company!
 

 

In my investigation I found a few interesting resources to share:

1. The Environmental Working Group's Skin Deep website has a lot of info. They categorize products, rating each ingredient's potential for harm.  I like this idea, but found the info to be a little bit overwhelming AND lots of the perfectly safe products look very hard to find - maybe even "only available at the health food store or co-op" hard to find.  I don't have time to hunt down rare products, so went back to Google for other ideas.

* One brand I did notice gets great ratings is California Baby, but most of the traditional cosmetic brands I currently use didn't get the highest marks and right now I'm trying to lower MY exposure to harmful ingredients so that I don't pass them on to baby.  Baby product research will happen later.

2. The FDA, info on parabens and phthalates.  Note that the FDA isn't very concerned about these ingredients, but some research does point to dangers.

2. Short WebMD article on environmental exposure to personal care products affecting children.  I liked the summaries, but this didn't necessarily help me chose safer products for my own use.

Love,
S

23 weeks pregnant

How far along? 23 weeks today -- He is probably 1.25 pounds now!

Total weight gain/loss:  Assuming 11 lb, but haven't weighed in for a few days.  Same gain as last time, except I started out several lbs heavier.  Oops!  Ignoring that.

Maternity clothes: Yes!  My little red coat doesn't button lately, so I can hear Tommy Boy in my head!  This is close to the most pregnant I've ever been (a week and a half away from William's birth), so if I feel super-prego now I'm sure I've got another thing coming in a month or two when the red coat won't even go on! 



Stretch marks? Not right now.

Sleep: Yes.

Favorite things this week: Having my cousin visit from London and stay with us for a little US retreat. We LOVE her. Emails and texts with a bestie who understands what this pregnancy is like, and is going through this with me side by side. Happy 23 weeks to both of us! 

Miss Anything?  The more innocent pregnant feelings I would have if William were still here. 

Movement: Yes, still no pattern but baby liked ravioli and pesto for dinner last night and kicked for ages!  Of course I started to wonder if a baby that kicks a lot is in distress.  Can't win!  Few kicks make me nervous, so do lots of kicks.
 
Food cravings: Not really.  

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs:  No

Symptoms: No new physical symptoms. Tired and grouchy sometimes but usually ok.  One or two stress headaches.  

Belly Button in or out? Still in. Where I hope it stays.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody?  Both.  Maybe I'll get less nervous in a few weeks when we pass William's birthday? 

Love, S.

22 weeks, 1 day

This week was ok, but I'm more and more aware that we are getting closer to the point where I had William last time.  2.5 weeks from now, around 24.5 weeks, he was born.  So while things are progressing just how they're supposed to, I'm anything but relaxed. Last time everything was supposedly perfect at 22 weeks too.  Nervous, scared, about a second from tears at any time, and I really don't do well with the pregnancy small talk. I totally want to be a nice friendly pregnant person, but when people comment on my maternity clothes or ask how my latest appointment was or just make idle chit chat about pregnant things, all I can think is, "But last time I felt good too" or "Last time everything was going well too, and then...".  So in all honesty, tough week, but the doctors are happy so I guess there is that.

We have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, from a wonderful family and friends, to a second pregnancy.  This coming week I'm going to try to focus more on what is great, since I'm learning (or trying to) that worry doesn't change any outcome.  Here's how this week went:

How far along? 22 weeks and 1 day

Total weight gain/loss:  10 lb?? Haven't weighed myself for a while, so guessing

Maternity clothes: yes!  "New" jeans hand-me-downs from a friend to be grateful for

Stretch marks? Not right now

Sleep: yes, lots!

Best moment this week: Monday's ultrasound - the baby visit was fun, he is doing really well, and the perinatal doctor says no cerclage needed (SO relieved!!).

Miss Anything?  Jogging and gym time, especially with all of the Thanksgiving feasts we've had!

Movement: Yes, no pattern, but feeling kicks

Food cravings: Not really.  With thanksgiving, there is good food everywhere. Today = sour cream apple pie for breakfast.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs:  No

Symptoms: No new physical symptoms. Tired and grouchy sometimes but usually ok.  One or two stress headaches.  And doctor added baby aspirin to my blood thinning regimen (enoxaparin shots once a day).  The medicine and vitamin count keeps going up!  One shot and then my prenatal (from Thorne Research, a great vitamin if you need one) is 3 pills per day, 1 baby aspirin with food, and 1000mg Calcium plus 1000 Units of Vitamin D every 12 hours because of the enoxaparin injections.  I'm usually a gummy vitamins only kind of girl, so for me this is a lot!  

Belly Button in or out? Still in. Where I hope it stays.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody?:  Both - this week was hard because I have been far far too aware that William's birthday is just 2.5 weeks from this point.  I know we are being monitored more closely this time, but I've definitely become a pregnancy hypochondriac.  

Love, S.

20 weeks, 4 days

Continuing last week's progress post, here's the update!

The only story this week is that I ran in to a pole when I got out of the car yesterday morning!  It was one of those moments where I looked around right after to see if anyone had noticed because I felt so silly.  A lady did smile, so I admitted that I'd actually done it before (true!) but was fine.  Honestly though, it hurt!!  And because my tummy goes first, I was worried that banging in to a pole hurt the baby.  A quick call to the doctor who is very patient with my questions so far, and all is well - baby is fine, I am fine, and maybe I will try not to run in to things anymore?

How far along? 20 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain/loss:  About 7 lbs

Maternity clothes?  Absolutely!  Lucky to score work stuff from an old co-worker and mom and MIL sent gifts.  

Stretch marks? Not right now

Sleep: yes, lots!

Best moment this week: I'm pretty sure Hubby got to feel his first baby kick of the pregnancy yesterday morning.

Miss Anything?  A glass of wine with dinner

Movement: Yes, more and more!

Food cravings: Soft-serve ice cream or froyo

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs:  no

Symptoms: Headaches are gone, still have round ligament pain, and gave myself a bruise with one of this week's Lovenox shots!

Belly Button in or out? Still in. Where I hope it stays.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody?:  Both, but this week has been less emotional than last week.

Love, S.

William's 1st Birthday

On November 2, William would have been 1.  I can't write about this yet because it breaks my heart. But I can say that every day I wonder what he would have been like.  What nicknames would we call him?  What would his favorite food be?  How would his 1 year old personality be developing?  What would we be teaching him?  Would he have a favorite bedtime story?  What would we have planned for his birthday?  Would he be walking, running and chasing Dempsey?  Would they be best friends or still getting to know each other?  Countless questions.

And as I wondered those things last Sunday, we received a bunch of really thoughtful texts and emails. I am forever grateful that so many people will remember him too.  The texts and emails and pictures made our day a little bit less lonely, and for all of that love I am so grateful.  I think someone special was behind it too, and that means so much to both my husband and I.  Friends and family, we couldn't do this without you.  

Here are a few of the pictures we received. 

We're starting a tradition of going to the bookstore around the corner on William's birthday to pick out books we might have loved reading to him and donating them to the Children's Book Project. The organization's mission is to make sure Bay Area kids have access to books at school and at home.  As they write, "Many children in the Bay Area live in homes without books and attend schools and programs where books are in short supply. Research shows that children to whom books are read have an easier time learning to read than those who don't have this experience. In addition, evidence shows that reading aloud to children actually helps their brain development."

Lots of love,
S.

It's been ages, so how about an update...

I've blogged many posts in my head since August when I wrote the first post  below... but I've been too conflicted to actually write anything because I have another big thing to talk about now.  I am pregnant again!  I didn't want to share that in August, and everything I've thought since has been about a combination of new pregnancy and old pregnancy so it is really hard to post anything at all.

But here I am, and I do honestly want to start to share both how I feel about William, and how his little brother's life is starting.

To start the sharing with something fun, I'm copying a post idea from a very good friend.  Here's my pregnancy update as of today, and hopefully I'll have many more of these to share:

How far along? 19 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: 6-7 lbs 

Maternity clothes? y.e.s. definitely, but I can wear an old pair of jeans or some of my work pants with a Bella Band

Stretch marks? Not right now

Sleep: Crazy pregnancy dreams, but luckily not nightmares!!  

Best moment this week: Thursday's ultrasound, at 18 weeks and 6 days - Baby weighs about 10 ounces and looks perfectly healthy.  Relief and love all around.  So grateful Terce can go with me to all of my appointments, and that he gets as excited about these little baby visits as I do.  

Miss Anything?  Exercise (perinatal dr says no exercise beyond walking, and lots of the time walking hurts!)    

Movement: I feel funny tummy flutters, not sure exactly yet.

Food cravings: Eating too many Cheez-Its and too many Tootsie Rolls at work, but otherwise not sure I have cravings.  I would LOVE a burrito any time, but that isn't new.  I also LOVE the chicken pho from Soup Junkie by my office but I think that's just because I don't let myself eat pure carbs for lunch when I'm not pregnant!  

Anything making you queasy or sick: No.  I've been lucky there!

Gender: Boy.

Labor Signs: I should skip this, since everything worries me!  But no, probably no labor signs. 

Symptoms: Round ligament pain when I walk -- almost all the time, but it is to the side so OB is not concerned.  A cramp or two once in a while.   

Belly Button in or out? In. Where I hope it stays.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody?:  Very emotional.  

Writers Block

Hi!  I'm not sure how to start my first blog post, but I've been thinking about blogging for ages.

The first time I thought about blogging it was 2009.  A newlywed, I had one of those jobs that didn't fulfill me and I thought blogging about things I really enjoyed like cooking and baking and decorating our small San Francisco apartment would be a fun diversion from the otherwise mundane work life.  But I didn't start a blog.  (maybe because you shouldn't blog from work?!)

We moved in February 2011, and I considered starting a blog again so that I could collect design inspiration (this was before my Pinterest obsession!) and have a fun way to track our house decorating and entertaining progress.  But I was too busy decorating and cooking or baking to start a blog.

And then I got pregnant mid-2013 and considered blogging again. We were SO excited and I thought this could be a really fun way to share our progress with friends and family. But being tired was a big thing for me when I was pregnant. I didn't have any crazy symptoms or scares or anything, my doctor thought everything was absolutely perfect, but it was tiring and work was busy and I am not a great selfie-taker so there weren't many pictures to share. So I didn't start a blog.

And then 24.5 weeks in to our easy-as-pie pregnancy (November 2, 2013) I went in to labor early, and William was born way too soon.  We came home without him a few days later.  And this made me think about having a blog so that I could process the experience and possibly (if I decide down the road to share the blog) so that I can connect with people who might understand, and so that my experience might help others down the line.  Talking about William is hard even though I really really want to, so it has taken the last 9 months to get me here... to my very first blog post.

I hope you'll join me once in a while as I write about life, love, and moving forward.  

Lots of love,
S.

AND... for a November P.S.  I have another big reason to blog...  We're pregnant again!  I am so excited, feel so blessed, and yet also completely terrified.  While this first post was written in August, I still haven't published the blog or told anyone about it.  I can't decide what to share and what not to share!